The “Why” Strategy for Exploring your Triggers
A trigger is a reaction that influences your actions. As you detox from a traumatic relationship, the triggers can keep pulling you back, hindering your efforts of untangling yourself from your toxic partner.
You, therefore, need to safely explore your triggers so that you can develop a counter mechanism. The most straightforward strategy is to ask yourself “why.” For instance, if you cannot let go because of your fantasy, ask yourself why the attachment is so important and why the person matters to you. Eventually, you will unravel your triggers and overcome the allure of addiction.
Activity
Why do I feel triggered?
I detest abandonment.
Why do I detest abandonment?
It adversely affects my belief in self as it indicates that I fall short in specific parameters of life.
Why do I think people abandon me because I am not good enough?
My parents always told me that something was wrong with me.
My ex-partner blamed me for the collapse of our relationship.
Why did my parents and ex-partner blame me?
Because they are not the best judges of character, and they can make mistakes.
Why would abandonment be so detrimental to you?
Because I may end up alone.
Because it would make me feel like a failure in life.
Why do I have these fears?
I don’t think I can adequately support myself emotionally and financially when alone.
I have been abandoned before by my parents and ex-partner.
Why am I unable to be self-reliant?
I don’t act in my self-best interest.
I am accustomed to other people validating my thoughts, opinions, and actions.
This exercise illustrates how you can identify triggers that set you off on a slippery slope to trauma-bonded relationships. You should focus on getting truthful answers and avoid rationalizing or simplifying the circumstances of your triggers. To ensure that your responses represent reality, you should perform the activity in a supportive environment free of distractors.
The answers to the “why” strategy enable you to work towards breaking the patterns and narratives that have been instilled in you by other people.
When you discover your triggers, you will be able to shun making decisions based on emotions. Instead, you will rely on logic and objectivity to take actions that are in your best self-interest. When you apply reason in decision-making, you might be forgoing alternatives that appear more comfortable and pursuing painful choices that will be beneficial in the long term.